Author: Jean P. Kelly, Faith Writer

Author, Less Helping Them, More Healing You Podcaster, Read. Pray. Write. Columnist, U.S. Catholic Otterbein University, Department of Communication professor.
Delivering meals

Connectedness goes deeper than the Golden Rule

Faeries, fauna, and the power of a thin place in Ireland taught me how to “stay clear of those vexed in spirit.”

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BY JEAN P. KELLY

THE PRAYERS offered by my husband and I from the front seat of our car request assistance not only for those we are about to help, but also for us, the helpers. We request blessing and healing for hungry neighbors home-bound due to age, illness, and lack of material resources, but also ask for sincerity in our intentions as regular Meals on Wheels volunteers. Beginning both our Monday and Tuesday routes with such pause and mindfulness provides necessary protection from temptations always lurking nearby, including expectations of gratitude from those we serve and self-congratulations offered by our egos. In my experience, doing good—truly good–requires unblinkingly honest and ongoing evaluation of who is being served and why.

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Saved by a Sacred Geography

Faeries, fauna, and the power of a thin place in Ireland taught me how to “stay clear of those vexed in spirit.”

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BY JEAN P. KELLY

I SIT ON A damp wooden bench on a clover-covered island, surrounded on either side by a rushing, Guinness-colored river. The babble cradles my ears and slows my breathing. I inhale, almost tasting the sweet stench of roots that form cave-like hideaways under trees along the banks. Surely I’ve found the homes of faeries, so common in the lore of this country Ireland. Earthen walls form a cacophonous cocoon around me, blocking the view of the valley as it winds toward the strand and the Kenmare Bay. For both that unseen horizon and my narrow hiding place, surely a “thin place,” I offer gratitude. Then I release all thoughts, all questions, and all self-judgment.

I often imagine myself back in a thin place, where I first found both rest and authentic stillness: an island in a river in southern County Cork. Remarkably, I experienced both in the midst of a very painful life transition, leaving a 30-year abusive relationship with an active alcoholic and learning my youngest daughter had been hospitalized because of his neglect.

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Eros is part of Divine Love

A mystic teaches that mutual desire, trust, and vulnerability in human relationships prepares us for surrender to Divine Love.

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In the wee hours I often admire my husband’s muscular back, giving thanks for its “surest protection” like the “resplendent mountain,” I recently discovered in a 13th-century spiritual memoir by a German mystic. Mechtild de Magdeburg wrote surprisingly carnal—bordering on erotic—love poetry, describing her ecstatic experiences of deep, unburdened, and reliably reciprocal physical union with the Divine with all parts of her humanhood: mind, heart, soul and body. Although her manuscript languished undiscovered for centuries, once its unashamedly detailed and passionate dialogues between lovers was translated from low German, it has inflamed imaginations, including mine. Mechtild writes, for example:

“The narrower the bed of love becomes, the more intense are the embraces,
The sweeter the kisses on the mouth become, the more lovingly they gaze at each other….
The more she consumes, the more she has.
The more ardent she remains, the sooner she bursts into flame.
The more she burns, the more beautifully she glows.”

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Sharing Gifts: The Essence of Faith and Community

The divine gift of Christ’s love is manifested when we sacrifice and adore.

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They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him gifts. Matthew 12:11

My favorite definition of grace is a gift unearned.  So perhaps it was grace more than coincidence that a homily on the Feast of the Epiphany, which celebrates the giving of gifts, included a call for volunteers just as I was about to begin a semester-long academic sabbatical in 2012. A sense of obligation to be more devoted plus an attitude of “why not?” prompted me to make a three-month commitment to spend an hour per week in a small chapel at my Catholic church. That those three months extended to 13 years has been not only a gift to me, but one I’ve opened and offered to others in diverse ways.

Receiving unexpected gifts can prompt one of two responses: feeling special, somehow chosen, or feeling inspired to share, “re-gifting” in today’s parlance. Some say that the true meaning of a gift is not realized until it is passed along, offered to anyone with generosity and without conditions. In Alcoholic Anonymous, for example, the gift of sobriety, a “spiritual awakening” obtained via the first 11 steps, is lost if not carried to other addicts and alcoholics through service: Step 12.

I’ve always believed I am not in full possession of my values, beliefs, and faith until I share them with others, even to the point of sacrifice.

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The Dark Side of Gratitude: A Deeper Reflection

This time of year especially, gratitude is both big business and a cultural imperative.  But in my experience, such promoted positivity has a seriously dark side.

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by Jean P. Kelly

Gratitude has been a moral virtue for centuries across cultures, religions, and traditions, but recently—with TED talks, social media posts and bullet journals—giving thanks as a self-help strategy has exploded. This time of year especially, gratitude is both big business and a cultural imperative.  But in my experience, such promoted positivity has a seriously dark side.

Emerging research in positive psychology does show strong evidence that being grateful leads to both physical and mental wellness, ranging from greater self-esteem to increased happiness. But what well-meaning friends, social media influencers, and other pop-psych pushers fail to address is equally strong evidence that “toxic positivity” leads to patriarchal silencing, denial, unhappiness, and worse.

Gratitude was how I “shushed”
those negative emotions,
hiding them not only from others,
but also from myself.

Jean P. Kelly

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